Essay submitted to A picture worth project by Lorien, April 10, 2004.
Photo was taken with Olympus C5050Z by Joe, March 30, 2004.

Back in December 2001 I went to a memorial service. It was for a 22 years old young man named Charles. Charles was a son of friends of ours. He was born with Cystic Fibrosis, and had a transplant of lungs around 2 years before he died. After his surgery Charles was able to live normal life - without being attached to machines - for a year or so. Later we heard he was going in and out of the hospital since his body started rejecting the new lungs. We got updates of Charles's condition by a mutual friend of ours.

You see, I almost didn't know this young man. I've met him online for the first time when Joe and I were in our courting period. He was visiting with Joe, and we talked through Net Meeting. Then, I've met him in our wedding, and we visited with Charles's family for Thanksgiving. I knew Charles's life story, and also knew he was writing Sci Fi stories... and I liked him :-)

While I was in Israel in November 2001, Joe told me one day (in one of our online talks) that the doctors had put a tube into Charles's body, so they could feed him through it and try to make him gain weight before they can consider him for another transplant. I also visited the page his dad built for him online, and read the updates about his condition. I gladly found out there was hope between the words there....

A day after Joe told me about Charles, I felt I wanted - rather needed - to bring him something when I'm back home from Israel. And just to explain this.... I didn't buy almost anything this time..... No gifts for friends at all. I only bought few things for Joe..... and that was it! But I felt.... I had to buy something for Charles!

The one thing that came to mind right a way was a charm... A "Hamsa". It looks like a palm of a hand, it's made of metal, and it is believed to save one from evil. I'm not sure of the origin of this charm. I believe it's Arabic, but I know Jews do believe in it's power to protect and guard from evil and bad things. For me, the non believer I am, it was a gesture, like bringing friendship and hope to this young guy, like telling him things can be better again. Nothing more..... Nothing less!

So I went out with my mom few days later, and bought this charm in my hometown's open market. On my way back to Canada I carried it with me in my bag, and had to show it each time I went through the x-ray machines in the airports. Somehow, being frightened of the flights (and I had to go through three), I had something with me to "fight" evil.

Few days after I got back home we've met with Kevin (Charles's dad), and he told us Charles's situation was very bad, beyond hope. I gave him the charm, told him the story and asked him to give it to Charles. He agreed, and said back then that Charles will appreciate it very much. I didn't know why.... yet.

Charles died a week later...

So we went to the memorial service. There was no funeral, since Charles's body was cremated. We went to the funeral house in High River (their hometown), set there, waiting with all the other people who came to pay their last respects to this young man. I got very emotional when I saw Kevin and Cheryl coming in. I felt so sorry for them losing their young son.

The reverend lady started talking, and all of a sudden she mentioned the charm that a friend brought Charles from Israel, how important that gesture was to him, and how he got hold to it to his last breath. She told about him learning world religions, and that Judaism was the one religion he was learning lately (and I didn't know anything about this). She told how he was reading the bible, and believed this charm came in to carry him over in peace.

I can't start explaining what I felt at this moment. Tears, many and warm, rolled down my face. I felt Joe's hand pressing mine (later he told me he got so emotional at that moment as well). And the reverend continued, and later mentioned it again.

After the ceremony we went to the Legion house, and I finally was able to talk to Cheryl and Kevin. They told me how important that gift was to their son, how he kept it close at all times, how it helped him accepting the crossing and going with a smile. I didn't know what to say, but to hug them and say that I had to bring it back.... just had to.... and I don't know why.

This charm was there all along, and people wanted to see it, touched it, and smiled at me when they found out I brought it. Cheryl told me few times how meaningful it was to them. She thanked me, hugged me, and I felt blessed to have done something I was shy to do... But felt compelled to do.

I don't know... In some way, I - who always felt so little and meaningless in this big universe - felt I did some good. I gave something to another human being which was worthy. I know Joe was very proud of me that day. He told me so, and he got emotional over it - he said - because of his special wife. And that meant the world to me.

I knew I had some thinking to do after that day. I also knew my life became different in a way that day. How different? Time will tell...