November 03


Saturday

     November 29, 2003

Caught in between the worlds

As you (might) know, I went to visit my mother homeland again, thirsty to hear the familiar sounds of her spoken language and her oh-so-loved old songs. Hungry to explore (once again) her beautiful differential landscapes. Eager to meet few of her children who are close to me in flesh, blood and heart... and yet, I was afraid to look at her present face, sense her present aches, listen to her daily hard news, travel with her transportation means, mingle with her big crowds. Sadly, I didn't feel safe all the time.

Once a year, my daily ordinary quiet safe life is being put on hold for few weeks. I leave my sweetheart and my home behind, switch my white & red hat to the white & blue one, and fly 10,600 km across the ocean to visit the homeland of my former life.

When in Israel, I stop translating words in my mind while talking, but I use more and more English words in between.
I watch movies with translation on TV, and gladly understand them all.
If needed, I measure in meters and kilograms again.
I use Israeli currency to pay for things, but translate it to dollars in my head.
I wonder how come I'm being sometimes pushed while in the market place, or standing in line.
I eat familiar food voraciously, like there's no tomorrow.
My phone rings a lot more, only to discover a familiar loved voice on the other side.
I don't spend so much time on the net. Suddenly, there are far more important things to be engaged with.
I'm so very busy every minute of the day with planning, experiencing, talking, sharing, analyzing and what not.

And I get emotional with tears by things that trigger my endless bundle of childhood memories.

I always said that in my heart, I'll forever be a daughter of Israel. I still am, but not quite. I realize I'm changing, and while not being Canadian in heart yet, and probably never quite be, I sure have adopted and incorporated different ways of thinking and sensing into my soul, my life. I don't quite belong there anymore, and yet... I don't quite belong here either.

And all the time... all of my waking moments... I long and miss someone who is far away...

Being caught in between those two worlds (though I'm very much appreciative of and happy with what I have), I sometimes have do wonder ... How long will it take for me to feel I belong to a place, wherever I am... if ever?

...............

If you ever consider moving away to another country and start new life, here is some advice for you: Make sure in advance you really have a tangible strong reason to do so... Otherwise, it won't work.

And I, as you know, had the best tangible strong reason ever *s*.

Joe and me

Mini Israel series is up on our photolog. Check it out. I'm very proud of the Israelis regarding this project. Doesn't fall less than Madurodam (which is 50 years old)! But hey... The Israelis are always BIG in doing things! *s*.

Lorien said it @ 07:07 AM MT

Thursday
      November 27, 2003

Being thankful

Canadian Thanksgiving is long gone, the American one is today... It's not my holiday, but it always sends me browsing down thankfulness lane. Not that I need a special day for that, mind you, but what the hell... Today is a good day for browsing that lane again *s*.

And... it gives me a good opportunity to say to all my net friends I hope you had a wonderful day, with lots of reasons to be thankful for *s*.

So where am I browsing today? Let's see. Of course, first thing that comes to mind is my Joe, whom I'm most thankful for, for being such a meaningful part of my life. Nothing would've been the same without this man of mine, but hey... you all know that already, and so does Joe *s*.

Walking on... I wanna tell you about my Israeli friend Luda, whom I feel very thankful for having as a friend. She had the job of being my best friend for quite few years before I met Joe. She's still my best female friend, even though we meet only once a year. Meeting her is always a special treat, since she holds lots of wisdom, love and kindness in her gorgeous body. Yeap, she carries the best body I've ever seen on a woman!

When we first met this time around, she looked at me (I've seen the thoughts running inside her head through her eyes) and said: "You look so great, but... something in you... you look strict... tough!"

What the... ?... She was right, of course, with her observant wonderful skill of putting her finger right on the dot. Anger makes people look harsh, and I sure had some of it living within for the last few months. Luda has this wonderful habit of telling it to me straight without beating around the bush, and I love that in a good friend!

She made me see lots of the things I was dwelling over in my mind lately in a new light... as she always does when we meet. She helped me realize how I was wasting time and energy over stuff that might have been important in the past, but not anymore in the present. Once again she gave me the wonderful taste of a deep meaningful talk with a best female friend, a taste I was missing a lot.

I came back home a bit different after meeting with her... different in a good way... and for that... I'm so utterly grateful!

Wisdom pearl of the day: Good friendship CAN be kept alive from a distance if it has the good solid base of trust, openness, love and acceptance.

Luda and me

Lorien said it @ 09:15 PM MT

Wednesday
         November 26, 2003

Daddy held my hand and walked with me

"Would you like to replace me and walk with dad?" asked mom.

"Yea, why not" I replied. I approached dad and took his hand in mine. My hand was on top, and his was firmly resting in my palm. Mine was firm too.

And we walked around the front yard of the nursing home... one, two, three rounds. I was leading him... he was following me. The weather was beautiful, the sun was shining gently, the light breeze caressing our cheeks... Daddy and I walked together, smiling at each other from time to time.

Memories of childhood surfed... Memories of me and daddy walking together, his hand holding mine, on top... firm and secure.

He was leading me then...

I did the leading that day at the nursing home.

Mom, dad and me

Lorien said it @ 05:52 PM MT

Tuesday
   November 25, 2003

I'm home

I'm home, safe and sound. It was a long way home (29 long hours), but most of it went pretty well... till I bumped into Canadian customs authority! Darn, this was no fun, but I have to admit: It happened because I have a big mouth!

Yea, I was "playing" a good citizen, and declared I had 1 carton of cigarettes, as I knew it was allowed... NOT. Well, it is allowed to bring in 1 carton, but the new regulations say you have to buy those in A Canadian store or something, otherwise - pay 15 $ tax. I argued with the custom Clerk about it, said it was not fair that the government "punishes" the smokers in every way it can, and as my big prize I was sent to go through customs check through all my luggage! And that took almost an hour!!! YUCK!!!

Poor Joe was waiting outside... couldn't understand why everyone else were out, and not his wife. And you know what? I paid the 15 dollars anyway, and went through the shameful search through my belongings. I'm sorry everything was clean! They sure deserved some unwashed laundry! *s*.

Anyway, I've managed to sleep less than 4 hours tonight, and now I'm wide awake. I hope I won't go through this blah jet lag again. It didn't happen when I got to Israel. Joe is taking the day off, so we can spend sometime together before I go back to my routine.

And just to let you know: I'm not sorry I opened my mouth and spoke my mind. The Canadian government is acting disgustingly with this whole smoking thing. It's about time I get my citizenship and vote. It is sure time for that!!!

Lorien said it @ 07:26 AM MT

Saturday
     November 22, 2003

Time has gone... Time has come

I thought my flight home was on the 26th. I was wrong. My flight home is on the 24th. It's a good thing I checked my ticket on time, otherwise... Hehehe, that was a funny situation to find out I missed it *s*.

Time is flying around here these days in Ramla, Israel. My mom said so... my bro said so... I feel so as well. My visit is close to its end, and what a visit that was!!! Lots happened, lots of photos to keep memories alive... I'll tell you all about it when I'm home again.

Coming home

JoeJoe... I'm coming home.

Lorien said it @ 05:48 PM Israel Time

Monday
  November 10, 2003

Bits of Israeli life

Theresa, thank you so much for your concern, and many thanks to all the others who came here to check on me and left comments. I'm doing fine, and the visit goes well... I just don't have much computer time. Most of it I spend talking to Joe, and the rest of it I use to upload photos to the photolog. I find that words tend to escape me while I'm here... but the photos I take show much better what I'm going through while here in Israel. All in all, I came here to be by my mom's side at this time... all the rest will have to wait for a while...

Bike riding
Bro and I took part in two bike riding events. One was some kind of protest and awareness thing. There's a group in Tel-Aviv which want to raise awareness towards bike riding and the need for more biking trails in Tel-Aviv. Every last Friday of the month they gather in Rabin square in Tel-Aviv, and from there ride along the streets of Tel-Aviv, letting people know what they ask for and try to find more supporters for the cause. We joined them that Friday, which was kind of special since 2 leaders of the group got married the night before, and joined the ride wearing their wedding cloths. It was quite a show for the crowd in the streets, and a lovely street party for us bike riders at the end of the ride, with good food, music and booze.

The second event was a collecting contribution ride for kids with cancer. The ride took place at Ben Shemen forest, some 15 minutes drive from Ramla, my old hometown. On November 1st, Saturday morning, we drove to the forest to join 500 people who attended the event. Families with kids, people who love and enjoy bike riding like we do - all got up early that day to join the ride, which was short, but pretty tough at times. We had a great time, gave some money for a good cause, and enjoyed riding in good company.

Photos from the two events can be seen here.

Dead Sea trip
We spent only 2 days at the lowest place on earth, but it was my mom's 70th birthday, so we (mom, bro, mom's sister and I) had a nice dinner in a restaurant, and the rest of the time we enjoyed the desert scenery and took photos. I have a whole series of 13 photos on the photolog, called The lowest place on earth. Check it out... The desert is so beautiful, and while meeting the Dead Sea underneath the light of the rising sun - it feels like magic *s*.

Dad
Visiting him at the nursing home was pretty hard on me... till today. We visited him on Friday and took few pictures. He's changed a lot, and the photos... well, you know... A photo doesn't lie.

Last week we were informed that today there will be a memorial ceremony for Yitzhak Rabin, the murdered Prime Minister of Israel, at the nursing home. My first reaction was: "That's dumb! Those people don't understand much anymore. Why the hell do they need this?" Mom said that she's going to go, and if I don't want to, that's my decision, but she thinks it's a good thing to bring the families of the residents together with their loved ones. "They wanna do this for us, more than for the residents of the place", mom said. Boy, was she ever right...

So we went there today, and found dad already sitting in the dining room with all the others. He was in a good mood, smiling most of the time and saying "yes" to mom on anything she asked him. That's a good sign that he feels good.

Slowly, more family members arrived, and the place was packed. There was an organist there, and a singer, and a lady who read stuff and stories about Yitzhak Rabin. And in between, we were invited to sing along... Israeli songs, old war songs, love songs, homeland songs... and boy, how we sang. I held myself not to burst into tears again, and managed to do just that, and even enjoyed singing those well-known old songs.

I looked around at the residents, and somehow it seemed they felt good to be there with their loved ones. Few of them didn't have the patience for the ceremony, but most of them were quiet and looked around. Who knows what went through their heads... but maybe, just maybe, few notes of the music found their way in and had been heard...

It sure felt very emotional for me... in a positive way. I felt so stupid because of my former reaction to the whole event, so when the ceremony ended I felt the need to approach the owner of the place and told him about my doubts, and how I felt glad he initiated this evening, and thanked him for all the feelings I had.

"You know I live abroad, right?", I said.

"Yes, Canada, right?", he answered.

"Yes, and being able to sing all these Israeli songs tonight and attend this memorial means a lot to me, and to everyone else. I was silly... I'm sorry about that. You guys did a wonderful thing for us all".

"You made my day by saying so", he said. "Thank you!"

"No, thank you!", I replied.

It was then I realized I was ignoring my feelings towards dad and the place since I got here. The staff is caring and treats the residents with love and kindness. Dad probably sees this place as his home now, and is lucky to have these people to take care of him. It was hard on me to accept the change with love... not anymore. Dad is in good hands right now, and we should feel happy he's there.

The rest of my visit
I still have my hopes to meet with Rinat, Jennifer and Ilana. Girls, we have to set a date, and it better be this week, this Friday. Time is running short, and I leave in 2 weeks. Yes, time is flying so quickly these days, and next week we're going to Eilat, the southern city of Israel. I still want to meet with few friends I've talked to on the phone, and have few set meetings with family members as well. All of a sudden 5 weeks seem too short...

not for Joe, I'm sure. I'll be back home on time, sweetie. Mom and bro are tired of me, hehehehe *s*.

Lorien said it @ 10:50 PM Israel Time

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