March 04

Sunday
    March 28, 2004

I'm back

Ok, I'm back and hopefully doing well... site wise. I've changed hosts, and that's why I was gone for a while. I still have to rework the archives, so the links to my first year won't go anywhere for now... Not a biggie, since who goes there anyway, right? *s*. Other than that, if you see something weird, please , ok? *s*.

Lorien said it @ 10:16 AM MT l

Wednesday
               March 24, 2004

5 years... and still riding the wind

a toast to 5 years5 years ago, today, I was a very frightened creature, though very much determined. My whole old life was packed into 2.5 suitcases, and I rode the wind, crossed oceans and times to start my new life in Canada.

My past was gladly left behind, my present was nothing but the passing moment, and my future was covered with mist. "What awaits me there?" I thought... "What will time bring my way?"... You have to allow a certain amount of time in which you are doing nothing in order to have things occur to you, to let your mind think (Mortimer Adler).

Months of uncertainty preceded this day. I needed to decide... I needed to choose... I knew that no one knew better than myself what was the path I should take... and I also knew that it was time to take control of my life, and make something good out of it... Life offers two great gifts - time, and the ability to choose how we spend it. Planning is a process of choosing among those many options. If we do not choose to plan, then we choose to have others plan for us (Richard I. Winword).

Circumstances demanded that I part from my old world and unite with a new one... Circumstances made me happy and miserable at the same time... It couldn't be otherwise. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times... (Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities).

Since I couldn't know what the future holds, fear was a well known sensation. But, with it, there were anticipation and excitement - all those emotions resided within me, in the boiling pressure cooker that was my soul... There are times when fear is good. It must keep its watchful place at the heart's controls. There is advantage in the wisdom won from pain (Æschylus).

So I've been living here in Canada for the last 5 years, and there wasn't one single moment I felt any regrets. I still feel astonished sometimes... regarding my bold decision. I don't know if I have the same courage to do something so drastic today... but I sure know life - when taken as an adventure - sure brings great things my way. Adventure isn't hanging on a rope off the side of a mountain. Adventure is an attitude that we must apply to the day to day obstacles of life - facing new challenges, seizing new opportunities, testing our resources against the unknown and in the process, discovering our own unique potentional (John Amatt).

Lorien said it @ 02:16 PM MT l

Monday
       March 22, 2004

Worries... and more worries

There is no way I can avoid the news today... they are all over the place: Israel sent Sheikh Ahmad Yasin, the spiritual leader of the fundamentalist terror organization Hamas to meet his maker. I've heard it last night, 40 minutes after it happened (Israel's morning), and since then that's all I was consuming (reading newspapers and blogs, watching on TV, talking to my mom) news wise.

My first gut (emotional) reaction was: "Now the Israelis are facing more terror acts, more homicide bombings, more killing of innocent people!". That was my first gut reaction, but mentally & logically I know that Hamas supporters didn't need any new reason to butcher Israelis. After all, their mastermind founder and leader Yasin was the one not to acknowledge the right of Israel to exist, and to teach his devoted followers that wiping Israel off the face of the planet is an act very much coordinated with the whole mighty himself.

I am an emotional creature these days, but even so, I don't feel like gloating, as many others declare so and do all around blogland. I don't feel sorry for this bastard terrorist being dismantled to pieces either. God knows he was the direct reason for the death of many Israelis, who died the same horrible way, so now he got to taste his own medicine, for the first and last time. He got what he deserved, I have no doubt about that.

I'm just scared and worried shitless for the people I love.

Those who love Israel are praying today for the safety of all Israelis. Join us.

Lorien said it @ 02:08 PM MT l

Saturday
           March 20, 2004

Happy Spring

They say it's today... the official first day of spring. Sure doesn't look like it here, with temp. of -5C, gray skies and a gloomy feeling of the outside.

Though I love winter a lot, I had more than enough of it this year. Cabin fever was a new sensation to my being this winter, and now that I've experienced it... I know It's no fun. So today sure brings new hopes to heart... Let it be spring, I say! *s*.

But, Henry Van Dyke (Fisherman's Luck, 1899) said: "The first day of spring is one thing, and the first spring day is another. The difference between them is sometimes as great as a month".

Yeap... so true! I guess the waiting game is on...

Do you have spring in your place already? If yes - I envy you so.....

Happy spring anyway *s*.

Flower

Lorien said it @ 08:10 AM MT l

Wednesday
                   March 17, 2004

Looking at the world with new eyes

Check the Calgary auto show galleryYO!!! Where have I been??? I don't know, but I assure you... time is not what it used to be anymore... Before, it used to crawl for me, as in an endless pace of a limping turtle. Nowadays, it runs like a bunny on drugs (+ the Energizer batteries ;-)). So what's going on???!!! Oh well... I guess old father time is still as it was after all... and the one who's changed is me.

Anyway, Do you know I'm on drugs myself these days? YEAP!!! Got to have something to calm my clicking finger (shooting photos like crazy, yes *s*).

I've written an E-mail to a dear online friend of mine (I think we've met some 6.5 years ago), the Alaskan photographer Loren Taft, trying to get his approval I'm not turning into a kuku:

You know, Loren... Now that I'm doing more photography... I've found out I look differently at things. I look around more, trying to find something that moves me enough to take a photo and preserve the moment. It is strange, but I think I now pay more attention to both beauty and ugliness of this world. Does that make sense to you?.

Check the Calgary auto show galleryAnd that was his answer : Yes it does Lorien, indeed. I found after many years of photography that I was seeing things that most people would never see, or take time to see. Many of my images are of subjects in the natural world that most ask, "where did you find that?" By looking carefully and making oneself more aware of his/her surroundings, even at their feet, fascinating subjects appear endlessly.

Of course I generally shrug away from the ugly, although it's around us all the time. Photography will do this without question... when one is searching for something new, or generally unseen otherwise. I like to frequently look for unique close-ups and/or abstracts.

So, great! I haven't gone kuku... Just found myself a terrific hobby that enriches my life, makes me more observant, and most of all... allows me to share my life experiences and passions with my beloved ones overseas.

What's with the cars, you ask? Haha... thanks for asking! This is my dream car, Ford Mustang convertible. I doubt I'll ever own one... but at least I can say now I've sat inside one... and it felt sssssoooooo awesome! care to see more awesome cars??? Click on one of the photos, and enjoy!

And one last thing... The fact I don't write about the horrors in Israel and other places these days doesn't mean I haven't heard/read/talked about them. I don't write about them here because it's become too hard for me to deal with with words... The ugliness of it all breaks me down every time I read the news... and messing around with photography helps me forget for a while... and right now that's what I need.

Lorien said it @ 07:34 PM MT l

Thursday
             March 11, 2004

Death might wait just around the corner

It's a dramatic/scary header, perhaps, but you'll understand why I've chosen it in a minute.

I was having dinner by myself last night. The usual thing, since Joe was working. I had rice cakes, goat cheese, soy cheese and a lettuce and onion salad. So far so good, right?

Somewhere in the middle of dinner, while I was trying to swallow whatever was in my mouth, I've realized I couldn't. Something had stuck in my throat, and no matter how much I've tried to convince it to go down - it didn't.

I panicked. I felt the blood rushing in my veins. I didn't know what to do. My first thought was to call Joe, but it was followed with another one: "What's the use? By the time he gets here... you're a goner!".

I realized I could breath through my nose, so that was good. Next, I've managed to spit out the rest of the chewed stuff in my mouth into the plate. Now I remember thinking I needed someone to give me the Heimlich maneuver... but there was no one around.

I went to the kitchen sink and tried to drink some water, hoping it'll push the stuck piece down. It didn't. My mind was working at 1,000 mph, trying to remind me to breath through my nose. Meanwhile, my throat, instinctively, was performing the swallowing movements, trying to get rid of the nuisance... unsuccessfully...

I was in trouble, and I needed to come up with some solution quickly... or... I know the thought I might die was somewhere in the back seat of my mind, but I didn't have time for it...

Finally, I decided to do something I could never do before. I thought that if the piece won't go down, it might agree to go up. To save you from the gruesome details, I'll just let you know it was noisy... and I was scared to death, but finally I disgorged a piece of onion... quite a big piece.

I could breath freely again... my throat was sore... but I was ok.

How long did it take? I imagine it was something between 30 - 60 seconds, maybe a bit more, though it seemed and felt like eternity...

Oddly enough, only 2 weeks ago, on February 26th, I posted a squirrel story and titled it: "What would you do to save your life?". I didn't think I'll come close to an experience of this sort, though I don't think it was so life threatening. But even so, it's strange, isn't it?

I'm in a habit of taking something positive out of every experience I have, no matter how horrible it is. So I was thinking... what have I learnt from this one?

I now know that if I'll ever find myself in a threatening situation again, I won't totally lose my clear thinking. I now know that my life force is strong enough to make me act to preserve it. I now know that I can trust my ability to help myself if there's no one else around to help me. I now know that I hope to god not to be in such a situation ever again, but if I will... I probably won't pee in my pants.

And also... I now know better... to chew my food before letting it go down ;-))...

Darn... and I loved onions so much.............

Lorien said it @ 06:55 PM MT l

Wednesday
                  March 10, 2004

Enjoyable new (and old) blog readings

I'm spending some enjoyable moments with fellow bloggers, some new and some old. I've just met Joe from boydcreek, and I sure enjoy reading his daily words. Another new find is myla from The Parrot's Meow, whom I've found through Anne's blog(which is a joy to read on her own), and since then I've spent many wonderful moments with her photography and writings. If you don't know those three by now, you've been missing a lot. Check them out!

Desiree just got a new springy looking decor to her net home, which I was happy to help with... and while I look over there, I realize Joe probably has found me through her, right Joe? *s*.

What else, what else... nothing much, so I'd better go prepare some more photos to upload to JoLoLog. What can I say... This is my passion these days, so............. ByeBye ;-)).

Lorien said it @ 04:20 PM MT l

Sunday
      March 7, 2004

Purim, repetitive history and putting on masks

Happy Purim!Israelis and Jewish people all over the world celebrate the Jewish festival of Purim, a festival of joy celebrating the thwarting of the evil Hamans plans to wipe out the Jewish people thousands of years ago.

It is as it was. Nothing much had changed along the years. Somehow Jews are still being seen as a very convenient scapegoat for other nations. One thing that had changed, though, is that now we have a choice... We have our own country and military, and we are capable of defending ourselves!

And those other nations don't like this at all. It makes it all much more difficult for them to torture us, and when we react - they run crying to the international court to protest. Tough luck, Jew haters! Those times of the past when you could do to us whatever made your little hearts happy are gone!!!

So for one day a year, we put on costumes and masks, pretending to be someone else, and we celebrate life, freedom and the glory of our past victories.

But masks.... they have an ability to be unseen sometimes, don't they?... and some of us use them all along - by choice or by necessity - pretending to be someone else.

Lorien said it @ 10:48 AM MT l

Friday
  March 5, 2004

Reaching out

Reach outReaching out was never easy for me before - being the shy, unsecured, low self esteem bearer that I was most of my life. Risking a rejection was a chance I rarely took because I was scared. Only later in life I came to realize how many chances I've missed because of this heavy load of fear I carried around within me.

I've changed... a bit *s*. I've learned to dare more... I've learned to conquer fear... I've learned to take risks... and I've learned I can't prophecies the outcome of my actions and be right all the time...

When you reach out to a person, few things can happen. The most desirable one, of course, is that the person will react to you in a positive way, and you'll find out he/she wants to be friends too. You get an affirmation that someone likes you, and the door has opened for a prospect of friendship.

A second possibility is you'll get a rejection. It might be a very legit one, done in a nice way, and then again - it might be done in an ugly way. You have to live with whatever reaction you get, and it's entirely up to you how you feel about it. You might be able to accept it with a smile and think: "Their loss. I did try... and I'm ok with it". But you might feel (if your self esteem is not so sky high) that you're not worthy... and the pain that comes with it is... well... unpleasant in the best case.

But there's a third option as well... The person you reached out to is ignoring you completely. Not a word... Nothing! This - I can't understand. Though I know there might be some good reasons for this kind of behavior (reasons that are not connected to me whatsoever), I still can't understand the silence. I think it's just rude!

So if I've been rude this way to someone who reads this... I'd like to take this opportunity and say I'm very sorry. I'm fairly new to this reaching out business... and I might have been guilty of rudeness as well.

And that, my friends, is all I had to say today *s*.

Lorien said it @ 05:07 PM MT l

Monday
       March 1, 2004

2 years

Wow, I almost forgot! 2HaTs is 2 years old today, YaY!!! *s*. This is nice, that I'm still blogging... didn't think I'll last for so long, and though I'd change regarding what I blog about and how often I do that, it's still nice and enjoyable.

So to those few who still come here - thank you for sticking with me for so long. I love you too *s*.

And... Wanna check how we celebrated Leap Day?

Lorien said it @ 01:17 PM MT l

::: Button :::

Lord of the Rings...

Lord of the Rings - A big winner... is the big winner of this year's Oscars, by sweeping all 11 Oscars it was nominated for. Now THAT'S a movie that suits my little heart, urges and passions, and I'm willing to talk about it to no end.

I can't be more thankful (and happier) for director Peter Jackson, who gave me this wonderful gift of seeing my most beloved literature masterpiece on screen. For years I'd read the trilogy again and again, imagining the world of J.R.R. Tolkien, and when I first heard that Jackson is going to transform it into a movie, I was thrilled. I thought he did a wonderful job, and he truly gave me some 10 wonderful screen hours.

And tonight, his work was recognized, the fantasy genre was recognized... and I'm happy *s*.

One thing, though... For the last 3 years Joe and I started our anniversary celebrations each year (Dec. 19th) by watching Lord of the Rings. What are we going to do next year???!!! ;-)

Lorien said it @ 12:02 AM MT l

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