Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Call me temporarily stupid...

See, the memo regarding Pig Day came late yesterday... and I didn't have enough time to gather some defensive measures... so I pigged out like there was no tomorrow... something I didn't do for a long long time. For the first time since I've started this round, I felt deep disappointment with myself. I had good workouts, good eating, good effort the days prior... SO why in-the-name-of-hot-chocolate did I need to let this old disgusting habit come back to the picture with such destructive/vindictive force ???!!!

I had chocolate... not the 85% cocoa type I keep as a treat, but leftovers from last Friday, when we had guests. Besides that, I munched on healthy stuff, but way too much! When Joe came home and I prepared his dinner, he saw that I didn't prepare anything for myself and asked about that. When I told him what happened, and how disappointment I was with myself, he said: "Hey, it's over and done with, right? Tomorrow it'll be ok again".

I really wanted to believe those words, but deep inside, I felt fear twisting my stomach... fear that I was slipping back to my old routine, and that I was going to sabotage myself... yet again. I felt compelled to hop on the scale. Yesterday morning it showed 144.4 lbs. Last night it showed 146.8 lbs. Grrrr!!!

This morning, I woke up after more than 8 hours of sleep, relaxed and hopeful, more like feeling it was a new day, and I was going to continue what I was doing for the last 7 months without fear, without disappointment. I hoped on the scale again, only to see 144.6 lbs. Ok, that wasn't so bad after all. The damage, though done, won't be hard to erase. Later I did my workout for the day: 1.5 hours, 4.77 mile walked, 785 calories burned. It felt good, and I knew I'll be ok!

Lorien @ 3:45 pm MT

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