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::: Feeling hopeful :::

I'm starting to wake up again. It seems it's parallel to the upcoming spring, but whatever it is - I feel hopeful again, and as if I can find the strength within to go back on track and complete my mission.

I had a 55 minutes brisk walk outside today, and it was GOOD! The sun is shining, it's 18 C out there, a nice breeze, and I enjoyed my outdoors workout. That's a very good sign, wouldn't you say? *s*.

I've set myself to go back to the gym on April 1st... that's 2 days from now. Though my left arm still bugs me occasionally, I'm hoping to be able to do weights again. I'll have to take it as it comes, and see how it goes.

Weight wise, I'm surprised! I'm somewhere around 156 lbs, which is very good considering I didn't watch my calories intake for a long time now, so it sure seems like a good time to start losing again.

And last, but most certainly not least... Joe and I finally decided on a date. On June 1st - we're going to stop smoking cold turkey. It's about time, and we're ready for it.

That's it. Feels good... Looks good... and I'm coming back to myself... FINALLY! *s*.

::: Lorien @ 04:53 PM MT :::

::: I'm back :::

Ok, I'm back and hopefully doing well... site wise. I've changed hosts, and that's why I was gone for a while. If you see something weird, please let me know, ok? *s*.

::: Lorien @ 05:47 PM MT :::

::: First year :::

A year ago, today, I've started this blog. At that time, I was at 161.6 lbs. Today, I'm around 4 lbs less. Mmm... Not much to show for... A whole year, and all I did was to maintain...

sigh... Never mind... First year today... Happy anniversary to me *s*.

::: Lorien @ 07:40 AM MT :::

::: Answering a question :::

Strange... and not on purpose, but it seems Tuesday has become the day I post on this blog. I apologize for not being here a lot... I just don't have much to tell... but I do owe an answer to miki.

Miki asked: You've been doing this for about 2 years now? Maybe you're just bored with dieting and exercise. I honestly don't know how you could stick to it so hard for such a long time. Couldn't you just go on maintenance for a few months? Make a decision now that you will only lose the rest of the weight later?

Well, Miki... my last attempt to lose weight is going for the last 2 years now, yes... but I had been trying to lose weight for most of my life. This is an ongoing cycle I don't master yet... I'm desperately trying to find the key to how I can stop it... but... so far it seems to be illusive.

I don't really feel I'm on a diet anymore. My menu has become my way of life, and when I binge, luckily I consume more of a healthy stuff, since I don't have bad food in the house anymore... most of the time...

What happens for the last few months diet wise is actually a maintenance routine, since I lose and gain the same 3 - 5 lbs all the time. This was great if I decided I want to maintain, but I'm not there yet... or... Am I?

Sometimes I wonder: Maybe it's enough? According to the charts, I'm still considered overweight, but does my body say different? I don't really know the answer. What I know is I do want to lose about 25 lbs right now... and I fail...

What I do right now is trying to change my way of thinking of it all. I try not to dwell too much on this all routine, and maybe that's one of the reasons I don't post much here as well, and also why I don't go on diet/fitness boards/blogs at the moment. I also try to get to the bottom of the reasons I eat more than my body needs, but so far I've recognized only boredom as a reason... and I'm sure that's not all.

So... I guess that's it for now. I'll try to post more... I sure hope I'll have nice things to tell in the nearest future ;-)).

::: Lorien @ 06:41 PM MT :::

::: Grrrrrrrr........ :::

Now, you tell me. I'm failing to understand what's going on with me. I look not-so-bad (even if I say so myself), won't you agree???... and I have Joe to tell me that all the time...

So...

WHY the hell am I acting like an irresponsible brat and ruin it???? HA?????

My arm is still killing me. I don't know what the hell this is, but I sure know it's been going for a month now. I have to go back to the doctor and see if I can get any help, because frankly... I've had it!!!

Sorry people... no inspiration here today (as if there ever been). For a while now, I just don't have any answers to the weird mood I'm in. So far this month I worked out every other day, and I guess that's not too bad. I had a plan to go out for a walk today, only to find out half an hour later the temp. went down from 16C to 2C... and it got windy as hell. So I stayed home. Darn! :-(

Candi, I so hear you... We should form a team or something... try to understand what's going inside our little heads. This can't go on... any ideas???

::: Lorien @ 09:00 PM MT :::

::: Rumbling sounds inside my head :::

OK... What shall I write about here?............
I don't know............
Oh yea............
February's gone............
ALREADY???... Darn!!!............
How to sum up the month of February? A total waste it was, as far as workouts... Only 5 times... That's nothing... What the hell happened to me?............
The pain in your arm... That's what happened! You're on pills now... and the pain is almost gone during the day. As night falls, some of it returns for some ode reason. I truly hope it'll go away already............
Feels like doing it quietly, don't need to put my failures on the net............
Why? Failing is human... We all go through good/bad times... It's understandable!!!............
Yea, but right now I hate the cycle.... I feel nauseous... My head spins... At least I went back to the gym yesterday... This is good!............
Yea, but will you do it further? Every day from now on? And what about the food feasts you have?............
I don't know... I don't know what to do... All I CAN do is try my best... I just wish I didn't feel so tired thinking about it all the time............
So don't... Just see it as part of your everyday existence, and let the bad thoughts go away............
Sigh... I'll try... I need a good rest............

::: :::

OK... Let's finish with a smile, shall we? Enough of gloomy words!!! Just got that on E-mail:

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies.
Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
Africans drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

::: :::

A new weight loss, fitness and improving our health portal by Kat. I just add my link. You can too!

::: Lorien @ 01:38 PM MT :::